The Secrets of the Introvert

I am an introvert. When I was younger I had a lot of extroverted tendencies and sometimes think I was possibly an extrovert. As I got older I realized I was an ambivert. An ambivert can get energy from being around people or being alone. As I get older I tend to get more and more introverted but still consider myself a social introvert but we'll get into that more later. I don't place a lot of importance on being an introvert or an extrovert, I don't think either one is better than the other and I have friends on both ends of the spectrum. When I was younger I didn't think anything of being either. As I got older, however, it became very apparent that there are a lot of misconceptions on both sides. I am hoping by writing this blog post other introverts can relate and extroverts will be able to understand introverts a little better. That being said This post is based solely on my own personal experience, not all in introverts are going to be exactly like this but I'm hoping this is a good start.
Secret number one:
1). Not all introverts hate social events and parties.
My two closest friends are introverts and have said the same thing, I love social events! That being said I don't love going places where there are tons of people or where I don't know anyone. I love birthday parties and hanging out with friends. I will say I don't like going places constantly and I definitely need time to regroup between events but if I am comfortable I get really excited and can go and be the life of the party.

2). Most Introverts are warm and caring people.
As I get older I realize that some people perceive me as cold, distant, aloof or judgmental before they get to know me. This really hurts me because you will be very hard pressed to find someone who cares more about people than I do. This often happens when I meet someone when my friends are not around or I am not in my element. When I find out about this I always wish so hard they could see me when I am in my element, floating around and smiling and talking and chatting. Alas, I have still not found a remedy to this problem.

3). Introverts have deep feelings.
Just because we tend to hide our feelings, does not mean they are not there. All of the introverts I have met are actually so emotional the magnitude of their feelings scares them. They are used to being perceived as weak or weird so they try to hide their feelings for fear of getting hurt. This can actually happen even more when they are in relationships or really like someone which can very much frustrate the person we are in a relationship with especially if the person we are in a relationship with is an extrovert. The extrovert thinks the introvert must not care as much about the relationship as they do when really the introvert may actually care more. They are just terrified to show it or don't know how and are extremely reserved by nature.

4). Introverts show love differently than extroverts.
Introverts show love in the little things that go easily unnoticed. They will seldom if ever make grand gestures to show their affection but if you pay close enough attention you will notice the little things they do to try and make you feel special.

5). Introverts don't like small talk... but also don't like to be asked personal questions right away.
I will admit this one is super confusing. I can small talk but typically only for so long unless the person I am talking to is really good at small talk. I also find it unfulfilling and crave deep conversation. That being said if you try to pry into my personal life and thoughts and force me to talk about things I am uncomfortable with, eventually I will completely clam up and avoid you. The best way to get an introvert to open up is to just be honest and open about your life, but be genuine.

6). Ask and you will receive.
I am not sure if this is true for all introverts because I have never talked about this with anyone ever but if you want to know anything about me you have to ask. I will not under any circumstances just volunteer information about my life unless we have been friends for at least a year and even then it might not occur to me. I will try to keep the conversation going by thinking of more questions to ask you. Even if we are talking about pets if you want to know if I have a pet you have to ask. If we are talking about instruments and you want to know if I play an instrument you have to ask. If we are talking about books and you want to know what my favorite book is you have to ask. I don't know why I'm like this, I think I'm afraid people will think I'm boring. But if you want to know something about me just ask!

7). We don't like to be pushed.
Even though I appreciate being asked things, if I seem hesitant don't push me to give an answer. Introverts are typically very hesitant about sharing things. They keep to themselves for a reason. Pushing me to tell you something will only cause you to be frustrated and for me to become defensive and uncomfortable. I will typically give you a vague answer to a question even if I don't want to answer it. Even if it's extremely superficial just accept it for the time and move on. As I trust you I will naturally open up more. You can ask me again at a later date, that's fine but if I'm obviously uncomfortable with a question or keep giving vague answers don't push me at the moment. If you want you can just tell me I can always talk to you about anything whenever I want but only say it if you mean it. I will open up eventually if you are patient.

8). We need time to think.
We want to be open but we need to be able to trust you. Communicating our personal thoughts and feelings don't come naturally to us. It's not always that we're trying to be secretive.We don't always know what to think or we don't know how to communicate it. We appreciate space and time and it's not uncommon for us to randomly bring up something we talked about days ( yes days ) ago and finally have an answer or a thought about it. It's just that we need time to formulate and answer and figure out how to say it.

9). Introverts usually like the way they are.
Sure I wish I could be more confident or talkative sometimes but I genuinely like sitting at home with a book and I don't want to change it. I like relaxing and I like not rushing to activities every night of the week. I find it frustrating when people can't see that and accept me the way I am.

10). We are not broken.
It is not always a disadvantage that we like being home and relaxing and we don't appreciate people constantly trying to "fix" us. We truly just want to be accepted for who we are and better yet, if extroverts tried to enter our world to better understand us from time to time.

This is in no way an exhaustive list and will vary from person to person but I hope if you're an extrovert you can better understand introverts and I hope if you're an introvert you feel less alone :)
LOVE,
KENZIE

Thriving When You're Lonely

Loneliness. It is something everyone has experienced. I'm sure it is even harder now with everything going on in the world. When I first heard my state was going on lockdown I panicked. I wasn't even super nervous about Covid 19, I didn't want to not be able to leave my house. Thankfully for one I am an introvert and laying around reading books is my happy place, plus I have four very entertaining younger siblings. I am also not saying loneliness is the result of being shut up in our homes, quite the opposite actually so listen up. I think we are all lonely. I know this because I have spent my whole life feeling lonely and I thought it was just me.Then after writing my post about anxiety, so many people contacted me saying "I thought I was the only one." The funny thing was I wrote that blog post because for years I thought I was the only one. As a child, I had a very unusual and frightening experience. My closest friends know about it but it's not something I walk around telling everyone. I went on a retreat in February and a girl I have known for couple of years shared a frightening experience from when she was younger. The experience was shockingly almost identical to mine. Later that night I shared my experience and we discussed how so many people think they are alone. They carry these burdens thinking no one will understand when really all too many people do understand. One must only have the courage to open up to find that actually too many people understand. One of the reasons lockdown makes us feel lonely is because we are masters of distraction. We have jobs and schools and activities... so many activities, and sports and clubs and groups and social media all carefully designed to keep us busy, to hold our attention so we don't have to face the fact that we feel SO ALONE! THAT WE JUST WANT TO SCREAM! THAT WE KNOW SO MANY PEOPLE BUT NOBODY KNOWS US! Yet we dare not tell anyone because no one would ever understand even though we all go through the same thing and we go to sleep at night and we wake up in the morning just to do it all over again. Then we still feel empty so we do more things and more things and more things and we still feel empty but we still haven't realized that no amount of things can fill the hole in our heart. Then we go to church on Sunday to smile and sing songs and hear an inspiring message and we forget it and we go home and start doing things to prepare for the things we will jump back into on Monday with no difference and no change yet we still can't figure out why anxiety and depression run so rampant. I am not trying to bash work or school or activities as they are things we sometimes need to do or enjoy doing and I am certainly not saying anxiety and depression will just go away if we do less things. What I am challenging you to do is look at why you do so many things. Is it really because you enjoy them, or is it to hide. How do we feel so lonely when we come into contact with so many people? It's simple really. We don't really try to get to know people. Our relationships are platonic and we avoid discussing anything deep because we don't want to stir the pot and no one would understand really. We don't have time for friends and who needs friends anyway when we are so good at distracting ourselves. In order to not feel lonely we have to lean on God and others. There is no way around that. Only God can carry us through life and he gave us each other because God said himself it is not good for man to be alone. We often say we just need more time. I have news for you, we have hit the time lottery! The whole world has been paused. It is a whole lot harder to distract ourselves. Now we are just surrounded by our loneliness. For me however, I have known a deeper connection with others during this and have actually been more intentional with relationships and have gotten to really talk to and get to know people I haven't talked to in a while. I have gotten to spend more time with my siblings and have made the time to read my Bible and pray and help others. Don't waste all this time you have been blessed with, you may look back and long for it. And please, certainly don't read this and just go on with your business as usual and jump headfirst back into this rat race called life.
LOVE,
KENZIE