Have you ever felt different? The funny thing is I think more people have felt different from others than not, so why do we all feel so different from everyone else? I have always felt different from everyone else or misunderstood. I never had a lot of friends growing up. I knew a lot of people and got invited to things but I never felt like anyone really knew me. I can easily recall many nights especially in Junior High (I consider Junior High 6-8 grade) where I laid in bed and cried and prayed for a friend. Just one friend I could share my heart with. This could be partially due to the fact that I have always marched to the beat of my own drum. I really wanted people to like me and was definitely a people-pleaser, especially when it came to adults, but I quickly realized that you can never make everyone happy. Therefore, I always tried to do the right thing and tried not to concern myself too much with what people said about me. I got made fun of a lot and learned not to put too much weight on what people said, but I also learned not to let many people in, hence the fact that I would be perceived as being extremely quiet. I developed generalized anxiety disorder and started counseling for that when I was 15. I was literally told at counseling that I had to make friends and not just any friends, friends I could open up to. I have learned not to let what people say bother me too much. That being said it still hurts. It hurts when people say mean things about me, it hurts when people are not supportive of me and it hurts when people think I'm crazy for being different even though I think I'm crazy too. For me it has gotten better as I have gotten older. I have more friends now, and several I can open up to regularly. I have identified my strengths even among my weaknesses but it's still hard. I have literally thought about starting a blog for years. When I finally started "Kenzie Aspires to Inspire" I was scared. Scared of what people would think about me, scared of what people would say about me and scared to open up. I am not an abrasive person, I am very opinionated but tend to keep my opinions to myself unless it is something I am very passionate about, or I am around people I am very comfortable with. I certainly do not publish them and post them to the internet for everyone to see and critique. I have even avoided telling people about future plans I have and really avoid telling people about my life because being shot down all of the time gets exhausting. However, I am a very real person and am always honest about my opinions when I feel the need to discuss them. I knew if I was going to start a blog, I was going to have to be 100% honest and real. I would have to open my heart and let people in just a little bit. That is really scary and hard for me. I have been really nervous to post certain things to my blog and legitimately stressed about it. Pretty much only my friends and family read my blog but those closest to us can sometimes be our biggest critics. I have gotten some backlash for being different, thankfully not much, but I have been surprised at the overwhelming amount of love and support I have received from opening my heart, if only just a little bit. I have always been different, "weird" (whatever that even means) my whole life and I think I always will be. I am okay with that now and can even thrive while being different. I thrive not in spite of my differences, but sometimes on my differences. Part of my kind of different is having a lot of strange and different kinds of experiences. I can use these experiences to connect with others. I am not saying disregard 100% what everyone says. In fact I'm sure we all know those people that "don't care" what other people think and probably should. I'm saying pick a few wise people that love you and will be honest with you. Pray about your decisions and ask these people for advice. Find a few people that know who you really are and accept you but push you to become better without being pushy and embrace your beautiful differences :)
LOVE,
KENZIE
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