Why I Don't Hate Men

There is a trend in our culture that has been around for a while but that in my opinion has become even more pronounced lately. This trend is empowering women. Now, don't get me wrong, I am a woman and am very glad women have rights and are taken seriously in our culture. I do think women should get equal pay and have the right to vote. I am glad that I have a voice and that I live in America. What bothers me is when "empowering women" leads to belittling men. I at any given time tend to have more guy friends than girl friends. I have always wondered why this is but never have been able to find a reason. I guess I just tend to naturally get along with guys well. I also have 3 brothers (I have sisters too). That being said I know a decent amount about guys and they deserve to have a voice too. I also happen to know that guys have feelings too. I know anyone would say that they know that but I don't think our words always reflect that. I'm not anti-women or anything (like I said I am a woman and enjoy having rights) but I think in the fight to have a voice we have to be careful not to silence the voices of others. Women are strong and we don't need to push others down to appear stronger. Now obviously I don't think women actually hate men but I do think men tend to get torn down in order for women to get built up and I do think that's a problem. There are some topics today that some women don't want men to have a say in. However, if women want a say in everything shouldn't men have a say in everything also? Isn't that equality? Some guys have even told me they are scared to open doors for girls anymore because the girls just say, "I can open a door myself." Clearly you can open the door yourself. I have never thought by opening doors for you guys are assuming you can't open the door yourself. I guess I just wanted to write this post to remind everyone that you don't have to tear others down to build yourself up, not all guys are bad and guys have feelings too.
LOVE,
KENZIE

Thriving When it Wasn't Supposed to be this Way

"It wasn't supposed to be this way." This seems to be one of the themes of my life right now. My life is in no way, shape or form anything like I thought it would be. That is saying a lot considering I had TONS of plans for my life. I had plans a-z mapped out just in case something didn't go exactly right and I had plans for my plans. My life is completely different from how I thought it would be and my life is very different from most people's in general. I once stopped and literally thought to myself, "It wasn't supposed to be this way!" But it WAS supposed to be this way. Now I can see my life is beautiful and I am so thankful it didn't go according to my plans because this is so much better than anything I ever could have planned. There is so much beauty in how my life is turning out to be. I have been able to spend more time with my siblings and had my life been even slightly different I wouldn't have started my blog. I have had enough free time to participate in 3 Bible Studies that have all blessed me so much and I wouldn't have had time for this had my life been how I thought it would be. I even became a SeneGence Distributor which has been SO much fun! I have learned how to thrive even though it wasn't supposed to be this way and here are the secrets:
1. Accept where you are in life right now.
The first step towards thriving is accepting. Nothing lasts forever and however hard this may be to believe, there may come a time when you miss this period in your life.

2. Focus on the positives.
No matter what you are going through there is something good in it. Believe it and then search for it. Choose at least one thing you wouldn't be able to do or at least to focus on if things were different. The first thing is usually hardest to find but after that several more will probably come to you.

3. Count your blessings.
This goes hand in hand with focusing on the positives. Basically count your blessings and then focus on them.

4.Trust God.
This is so simple yet so hard. ACTUALLY trust God. Trust that He has you where you are for a reason and that you are in the palm of His hand. This is all for a reason, even if you never know what that reason is.
Don't just sit there and twiddle your thumbs until things start looking the way you thought they would. Do something to help someone else. No matter what you're going through and how things look just remember, it always was supposed to be this way :)
LOVE,
KENZIE

Life is like a Frappuccino

I love frappuccinos, like LOVE them. The interesting thing is I don't even like coffee. How I came to realize my love for frappuccinos was I was SO EXHAUSTED one day. I had to finish an essay for college and was trying so hard not to fall asleep. I knew I needed caffeine. I went to Starbucks and told the barista my dilemma and she recommended a Java chip frappuccino. Unfortunately at the time I didn't realize frappuccinos are like the least caffeinated drinks there are so I was still tired but I thought it was delicious. Then when I graduated from high school I got several Starbucks gift cards. Who knew there were so many different delicious frappuccino flavors? When September hit I decided I wanted to try a Fall frappuccino flavor. I marched into Starbucks and scanned their menu. I saw the salted caramel frappuccino and immediately ordered it. I love most things salted caramel. It took several sips for me to decide what I thought about it. I wasn't prepared for how bitter the coffee made it taste, but it contrasted the salty and sweet perfectly. That's when I realized life is like a frappuccino. Ironically I don't feel well as I am writing this post today. If you read my post about anxiety you know I struggle with anxiety and had some health issues in high school. The doctors never figured out exactly what was wrong but I got a lot better. Needless to say I still have days where I feel really sick. I became a Senegence makeup distributor yesterday, Senegence is THE BEST MAKEUP EVER and it's good for you. I tried Senegence and instantly fell in love with it and loved the idea of being able to work from home. One of the things that really made me decide to start a blog was the idea of being able to help encourage others and work from home and kind of around my own schedule since I still feel sick randomly sometimes. (I do not make money from blogging at the time of writing this post.) When people first meet me they often think I am fake because I am so perky. People even ask my mom if I am really, actually that happy all of the time. Most of the time, yes, I am. Of course sometimes I don't feel well or I have a bad day but put on a brave face anyway, but most of the time I am happy. People are confused by this when they hear about how sick I was for so long and often how sick I still am at times. I attribute this to the bitter and the sweet! Being happy doesn't mean life isn't hard or that everything is perfect and nothing is wrong. When you have tasted the bitter, you realize just how sweet the sweet can be. If I am out of the house no matter what I am doing I am probably happy because I know what it's like to be too sick to leave the house for long periods of time. If I had not tasted the bitter I would not realize how sweet the sweet really is and people who have super easy lives and are really successful are often not truly happy. Have you ever eaten something that is so sweet it makes you sick to your stomach? I assume that must be how their lives are, too sweet to appreciate the sweetness. Always chasing after more sweet things in life when what they are missing could actually be the bitter. The next time you are having a bad day take a moment to appreciate the bitter and the sweet in your life. Too often we only thank God for the things that are immediately apparent as blessings (the sweet) and try only focusing on what is "good." We don't realize we wouldn't appreciate the sweet without the bitter and even the things we perceive as bitter can later turn out to be our greatest blessings. Just remember, the best frappuccinos are sweet, salty and bitter and life is like a frappuccino :)
LOVE,
KENZIE

Why I don't have a Boyfriend

"What are you and your date doing for Prom?"
"Actually, I don't have a date, I'm going with a group of friends."
"Oh I'm sorry."

Why, why are you sorry? I'm not sorry. This was how most of the conversations surrounding my Senior Prom and Homecoming dance went. No one was excited that I was going with a huge group of my best friends to Prom, in fact they all pitied me because I didn't have a date but I couldn't figure out why. I never intended to go with a date and there wasn't anyone in particular I wanted to go with anyway. The questions and comments only intensify as I get older, especially in the culture I live in where it is extremely uncommon to not have a boyfriend, especially once you are 18. Then come the assumptions
"But you're so pretty though." As if I don't have a boyfriend because I'm not pretty enough to have one. Some people assume I don't have a boyfriend because I am working on myself. This is only half true. Yes, I am working on myself, and yes, I am focusing on my relationship with God. However, I would still work on myself and my relationship with God if I was in a romantic relationship. You never reach a place in life where you no longer need to work on yourself and your relationship with God and I know people who are much less mature than me in many ways in my opinion yet are in relationships. Others assume I am too quiet and shy and not forward enough. Too "old-fashioned" I suppose. This could be true to an extent, since I come across as shy perhaps I am easily overlooked. However other guys have commented on how "pretty and drama-free" I am and some guys seem to prefer quieter girls. Then there are my best friends who I'm pretty sure think I am absolutely obnoxious so I don't really know. I guess the answer to the question is kind of circular. I don't have a boyfriend because I don't have a boyfriend. I tend to be focused on my goals and I don't have time to waste. I do have trouble finding guys that have the same values and  convictions as I do and I do suppose I don't stand out much. It's also not that I don't want a boyfriend. Some people have come to the conclusion I must simply not want one. I do think it would be nice to have a boyfriend, it is simply not something I pursue. My mom and I were recently discussing goals and 5 year plans. If you know me personally you know that I LOVE kids and have always wanted a family. My mom asked me if getting married was in my 5 year plan. I told her no, it is not. She was surprised by this. I simply explained that I won't make it a goal of mine because it doesn't entirely depend on me. I have standards I won't compromise on and it really depends on when God decides to bring the man I will marry into my life. There are good things that come from being married, there are good things that come from having a boyfriend, and there are good things that come from being single. I don't have a boyfriend. That is where I am in life right now. It's not because there is something wrong with me. It's not because I'm too much or not enough. It's not even because I just don't want one. I don't have a boyfriend because I don't have a boyfriend and guess what? My life is still fun! I hang out with friends, I participate in Bible studies, I spend time with my family and I have down time. I am absolutely thriving right now and my schedule is more open. Guess what else? If I did have a boyfriend I would still be thriving! It would just be different. Wherever you are in life right now you can still thrive. You are not the only one. If you have a boyfriend, good for you! If you don't, good for you! If you keep God at the center of your life you are exactly where God wants you to be and there is no better place to be :)
LOVE,
KENZIE

Anxiety does not Define me

I have anxiety. I was diagnosed with anxiety when I was 16 years old. My counselor informed me that I was the poster child for anxiety and on a scale from 1-10 my anxiety was a 9.5 or a ten, but let me explain how I got to this point. A year and a half prior to this appointment I thought I caught a bad virus. This was concerning but not overly so until a month passed and I hadn't improved. I woke up in the middle of the night with what was later identified as a panic attack but at the time I didn't know what it was. I woke up shaking violently with my heart pounding so loud I could hardly hear and beating against my chest so hard it was painful. I could hardly breathe and no matter how much air I sucked in it felt like it didn't get into my body. I couldn't scream and I felt like I was under water. It was a terrifying experience. On top of that I was freezing all of the time, usually wearing a sweatshirt and a hoodie or two inside my house. I woke up extremely nauseous every morning and threw up most mornings. I had headaches and pain in my abdomen, was dizzy all of the time, and began rapidly losing weight. I couldn't sleep at night and had a very hard time staying awake in the daytime. I experienced heart palpitations and chest pains and all but lost the ability to keep food down. I was a straight a student who now struggled to complete 2 school subjects a day. I was painfully tired and exhausted all the time. I constantly felt like I couldn't breathe and suffered from panic attacks almost daily. This went on for 3 months. My parents and I decided that this wasn't normal and shouldn't last this long. My mom took me to the doctor. They ran some tests, I was screened for chronic illnesses, they tested the function of all of my major organs, they did tons of bloodwork and they couldn't find anything. They sent me to a Cardiologist who said I had the healthiest heart he had seen in a while. Over the course of the following year I went to 5 different Pediatricians, some who seemed to consider me a hypochondriac. I only worsened and continued to lose weight. Tests were rerun and no one could seem to figure out what was wrong with me. I couldn't believe this had lasted a year and showed no signs of stopping. Some people who knew me well and knew what was going on mentioned that while I probably did have a medical issue, I may also be suffering from anxiety and panic attacks. I completely dismissed this possibility. I refused to have anxiety. I wasn't even worried about anything. Sure my life was stressful but surely I could handle it. Secretly I wondered what people would think of me if I had anxiety. I thought it meant I was weak and crazy and that I couldn't handle my own life. The funny thing is I knew plenty of people who had anxiety and never thought less of them. Surely, however, if I had anxiety, there was something wrong with me. Finally I was desperate enough to go see a counselor. I wanted relief and didn't care how I got it. Finding out I had anxiety was a mixture of feeling crushed and relieved. At least this wasn't all just in my head. I only intended to tell a handful of people I even had anxiety. The first person I told was my friend I mentioned in a previous blog post. I thought surely he wouldn't want to be friends anymore and even if he did things would never be the same. Despite all this he had to know. I just couldn't lie to him. I was shocked when I told him and he looked me dead in the eye and said simply, "Okay, how can I help?" I thought he had to have misunderstood me but much to my surprise and delight and he simply didn't care. To him, I was still me and nothing had changed. This simple interaction empowered me to open up to others and I discovered many people had anxiety, many of them were people I had known for years and they just never told me. For a while I wrestled and struggled to accept the fact that I have anxiety and I do but through this experience I have also discovered, my anxiety does not define me. Anxiety is something that I have, not something that I am. Something else you need to know is anxiety is something that can be overcome. I have never needed medication for anxiety. I have worked very hard and in addition to not needing medication, anxiety does not typically affect my day to day life at all. I still sometimes struggle with my health issues ( to this day no one has been able to figure out exactly what is wrong with me and I have been to a couple additional doctors ) but it is not nearly as bad as it was and I can live a normal life. I have to be careful not overexert myself but I am still thriving. There is a fine line between accepting you have anxiety and not letting it define you. I have walked this line and am overjoyed to say that I am usually able do both with the support of others. If you have just been diagnosed with a mental illness or have been struggling with one for many years I just want you to know THERE IS HOPE. Other people have done it! Reach out to others and cling to God and you can get through this. A mental illness is something you have NOT something you are and it does not have to define you.
LOVE,
KENZIE

Thriving When You're Different

Have you ever felt different? The funny thing is I think more people have felt different from others than not, so why do we all feel so different from everyone else? I have always felt different from everyone else or misunderstood. I never had  a lot of friends growing up. I knew a lot of people and got invited to things but I never felt like anyone really knew me. I can easily recall many nights especially in Junior High (I consider Junior High 6-8 grade) where I laid in bed and cried and prayed for a friend. Just one friend I could share my heart with. This could be partially due to the fact that I have always marched to the beat of my own drum. I really wanted people to like me and was definitely a people-pleaser, especially when it came to adults, but I quickly realized that you can never make everyone happy. Therefore, I always tried to do the right thing and tried not to concern myself too much with what people said about me. I got made fun of a lot and learned not to put too much weight on what people said, but I also learned not to let many people in, hence the fact that I would be perceived as being extremely quiet. I developed generalized anxiety disorder and started counseling for that when I was 15. I was literally told at counseling that I had to make friends and not just any friends, friends I could open up to. I have learned not to let what people say bother me too much. That being said it still hurts. It hurts when people say mean things about me, it hurts when people are not supportive of me and it hurts when people think I'm crazy for being different even though I think I'm crazy too. For me it has gotten better as I have gotten older. I have more friends now, and several I can open up to regularly. I have identified my strengths even among my weaknesses but it's still hard. I have literally thought about starting a blog for years. When I finally started "Kenzie Aspires to Inspire" I was scared. Scared of what people would think about me, scared of what people would say about me and scared to open up. I am not an abrasive person, I am very opinionated but tend to keep my opinions to myself unless it is something I am very passionate about, or I am around people I am very comfortable with. I certainly do not publish them and post them to the internet for everyone to see and critique. I have even avoided telling people about future plans I have and really avoid telling people about my life because being shot down all of the time gets exhausting. However, I am a very real person and am always honest about my opinions when I feel the need to discuss them. I knew if I was going to start a blog, I was going to have to be 100% honest and real. I would have to open my heart and let people in just a little bit. That is really scary and hard for me. I have been really nervous to post certain things to my blog and legitimately stressed about it. Pretty much only my friends and family read my blog but those closest to us can sometimes be our biggest critics. I have gotten some backlash for being different, thankfully not much, but I have been surprised at the overwhelming amount of love and support I have received from opening my heart, if only just a little bit. I have always been different, "weird" (whatever that even means) my whole life and I think I always will be. I am okay with that now and can even thrive while being different. I thrive not in spite of my differences, but sometimes on my differences. Part of my kind of different is having a lot of strange and different kinds of experiences. I can use these experiences to connect with others. I am not saying disregard 100% what everyone says. In fact I'm sure we all know those people that "don't care" what other people think and probably should. I'm saying pick a few wise people that love you and will be honest with you. Pray about your decisions and ask these people for advice. Find a few people that know who you really are and accept you but push you to become better without being pushy and embrace your beautiful differences :)
LOVE,
KENZIE

Have the Confidence to Achieve

"Self-confidence is the memory of success." 

-David Storey 

Do you believe in yourself? The truth is a lot of people don't. Why don't most people raise their hands in class when it's obvious everyone knows the answer? Why do some children insist on having training wheels on their bikes a year or two after they could probably ride their bikes without them? It all comes down to self-confidence. Unfortunately this isn't something you just acquire as you age. Confidence has to be built. The danger of not having confidence in yourself is if you don't have confidence in yourself, most people will not have confidence in you. When I was in high school, I didn't have a lot of self-confidence, especially Sophomore and Junior year. I was not particularly insecure or anything, I just never thought much of myself. I was pretty average in my opinion. I wasn't noticed much by others, in fact I found out during my Junior year that a lot of the guys I knew and two that I talked to regularly thought I was an 8th grader or Freshman. This would be understandable considering that I look very young for my age except for the fact that I sang on stage at youth group nearly every week since 7th grade and all of the guys went to that same youth group and 2 were also on the worship team. I was pretty quiet and unremarkable except for later finding out that most of the kids regarded me as being exceptionally nice. I was the person who tried desperately to keep my head down and go unnoticed yet desperately hoped to be noticed. Confusing, I know. I didn't want to try anything because I was terrified of being wrong or failing. Thankfully, I met a guy right before Sophomore year of high school. He basically became my best friend throughout Sophomore and Junior year. I have some health issues that I won't get into in this post but they started  during my Sophomore year of high school. On top of already not being a very confident person my confidence really took a blow. There was suddenly a lot of things I couldn't do and performing mundane tasks became difficult. For some reason though this friend of mine always believed in me. Always. I never knew why. Whenever I wanted to do something he strongly encouraged me to do it and 100% believed I could. I honestly thought about telling him not to bother believing in me so much because he would just be disappointed. Then I was trying to make a team. I tried so hard and gave it all I had but I didn't make the team. I was devastated. He was not. More than that it never shook his confidence in me and he fully supported me in all of my other endeavors. It was bizarre. But why am I even telling you this? Because if you are courageous enough to dare to dream then you must have the confidence to achieve. Many people dream of all the wonderful things they could do and have marvelous ideas. However, they never do anything with them. This always flabbergasted me. Why do all of these brilliant people never do anything with their brilliant ideas? Of course there are the usual excuses; time, money, energy, etc. Then one day it hit me. These people don't have the confidence to achieve. They don't think they can do it. The funny thing I have realized about confidence is the only way to gain more confidence is to do more hard things. In order to do hard things, you have to have confidence. What I realized was when I started doing more things, it was like the whole world opened up to me. I had been selling myself very short for a very long time. There will always be people that don't believe you, the key is to believe in yourself. If you are going to dare to dream then you must also have the confidence to achieve but if you do, you will most likely find that there are many more opportunities than you ever could have imagined. 

LOVE,

KENZIE

Dare to Dream

What is the first question we typically ask high school students? "What college do you want to go to?" Why do we ask that question? It is just what everyone asks. It is what is expected of them. It is what is done. You go to school for 12 years, graduate and go to college for a minimum of 4 years. The goal is to get a 9-5 job that you don't hate where you make a good amount of money. Now don't get me wrong there is nothing wrong with college, I have taken college classes. College is the only way to obtain certain jobs and is very beneficial in many ways, but why is it just what is expected? Why is everyone who doesn't follow this one-size-fits-all-plan crazy? As children we are encouraged to dream. We are told that we can be anything we want to be, do anything we set our minds to. We live in America, the land of opportunity. However, we are afraid to dream. Therefore, we are expected to follow the tried and true methods for success. But what does this result in? Everyone is doing the same thing. So now the requirements have to be upped. The pool of opportunity is getting smaller, yet if you do anything different you are the crazy one. As a result, so much talent goes to waste. Everyone is afraid. The people that do go to college tend to do the same general things that are steady and safe. Of course this is smart to a degree but what happens when there are too many people for the same "safe" job? The employers become even more selective. Yet still we are taught about job security from a young age. I remember job security being discussed with me when I was only 14 years old. If anyone makes a good living and is successful but did things differently we are told they are rare. They are a minority. After all, if they did things differently, their life was probably very hard for a long time before their success.This deters everyone else from trying, even young people that have their whole lives ahead of them. They are afraid. America was founded on a dream. A very courageous dream that cost many people their lives. Sometimes dreams come at a price. You may have to become uncomfortable. Very uncomfortable. Many people died on the Mayflower, and then during the first year in America. Even more people died during the Revolutionary War. I'm sure everyone in England thought they were crazy, I'm sure they even thought they were crazy. But guess what? THEY WON! They won the war and America became one of the wealthiest countries in the world with citizens that have freedom. So much freedom. Freedom to choose how to live their lives, freedom to choose how to worship. I am thankful everyday for their sacrifices and their willingness to be considered crazy, to be uncomfortable and to die so I can have a better life. My great great grandmother came here from Serbia. She came here and was poor and married a man roughly 10 years older than her that she had never met. She never learned English and I don't know much about her because my grandma couldn't communicate with her. She was poor and probably lonely and misunderstood her whole life. I am thankful everyday that she had the courage to dream, that she was willing to be uncomfortable for me even though I never met her. Because of her I get to grow up in America. The whole world is at my fingertips. I am young and free and can do anything I want with my life. I am smart and talented and I will not waste that. I won't throw away my opportunities. I won't let fear control me. I am not afraid to be uncomfortable, to be called crazy, to be different. I have been different my whole life. I am not going to let society put me in a box or force me to be average and just do what everyone else does. I am not going to take the easy way out. I am going to be exceptional all because I had the courage to dream. If something seems impossible it is simply because your dreams are not big enough. I am daring to dream. Are you?

Thriving When You're Waiting

I was reading the book, "The Princess and the Kiss" last night. For those of you who know about that book yes, it is a children's book. It has been my favorite book for as long as I can remember. When I was little I checked it out of the church library as often as I could. It was one of the first books I ever read when I learned to read, if not the first. When I was around the age of ten my mom bought it for me and it still sits on my bookshelf and I still read it periodically. The intention of the book is to teach little girls about purity and the princess is advised to only give her kiss to the man she will marry. Throughout the book many suitors come to call but the wise princess knows none of them are worthy of her kiss. She becomes discouraged, wondering if she will ever find a man worthy of her kiss. However, she refuses to settle and eventually meets her prince who is actually just a kind peasant when he meets her. Maybe it sounds corny but I just think it is such a sweet book. I don't know what made me read it last night but I did and it struck me with a new meaning. I always just took the book at face value, save yourself for marriage, wait for your prince and he will come, don't settle, etc. However, I have been focusing on and thinking about thriving lately. The whole reason I created this blog is to inspire others to thrive wherever they are in life, even if it's not where everyone else is, even if it's not where you want to be and that is exactly what the princess in this story does. She doesn't just survive and she is not locked in a tower just waiting for something that may or may not ever happen and that almost entirely depends on another person. She thrives. Of course she gets discouraged just like anyone else because she wants to be married but then she decides to focus on what she does have. I think this applies to all areas in life, not just relationships. Today I just want to encourage you to not focus on what you don't have and where you're not at and to take a moment and celebrate what you do have and where you are. After all, there was a time when you dreamed about getting to where you are today. Take a deep breath, look around, and count your blessings.

LOVE,
KENZIE